In honor of the premiere of that weird-looking movie, The Day the Earth Stood Still (instead of crashing said premiere with my Homie Gs), I decided to waste a few moments sizing up the master of underacting (a rare talent in a Hollywood full of Keira Knightleys and Will Smiths) the ultimate Wyld Stallyn, Keanu Reeves.
Incidentally, can any of you delightful peeps tell me why Alex Winter’s career tanked while Keanu’s succeeded? Although, according to Wiki, Mr. Winter finally got a gig, after a 14 year “hiatus,” in the form of a guest role on that show I don’t watch, Bones. To you, Mr. Winter, I say: Congratulations! You are a gentleman, my good man, a true gentleman! I wish Freaked had been as successful as Hardball.
In any case, KK Reeves proves his worth in an epic pokemon battle with spinach, probably because Ash, the greatest Pokemon trainer of all time, found our boy wandering lost and alone in the Hollywood Hills without a job and offered him a contract. The Reeve must have agreed because they obviously forced him to portray a pokemon. Too bad he’s not as cute as Jiggly Puff. Search results include: KK removing an article of clothing (exposing a pale, alien-like glow), KK posing on a motorbike of some variety, and, my personal favorite, a clear Pop-A-Razzi snag of KK drinking a hobo’s coffee. Although, from the looks of that garbage bag-inspired blazer, perhaps KK IS the hobo.
In conclusion, this classy old geezer says:
Cut off part of your soul and spend the twelve bucks to see The Day the Earth Stood Still! You’ll be in good company because everybody except the Repubs believes in global warming and you’ll get to see Jennifer Connelly act for two!
With much love and tickles,
C. Somerset Watkins
Tags: Keanu Reeves
