This Friday Steven Soderbergh’s revolutionary epic Che (or is it Guerrilla?) will be released and promptly forgotten by the viewing public, reviewers, the academy, ect. Unfortunately with strong award season showings from Gus Van Sant, Danny Boyle, (and an equally strong blockbuster from Christopher Nolan), no one seems to care that Soderbergh had to put up with Benicio Del Toro’s body odor for what seems like a lifetime to anyone who has followed the film’s production, or smelled Benicio Del Toro (he looks smelly). So in honor of this film, which will likely receive no other honors, we will run the rank Mr. Del Toro through the Spinach Test.
Surprisingly Benicio fails more miserably than his film will in theaters. He starts strong with two pie charts preceding two pictures of him in the top row (these pie charts are a staple of googling celebrities against spinach, why I do not know), but he takes a hit in the second row, which contains no less than four images of spinach, all of which look more appetizing than Mr. Del Toro. In the third row there is a single photograph of Mr. Del Toro and a photograph of a Guillermo Del Toro film. This row also contains a photograph from Journey to the Center of the Earth, which was a movie very low on any objective film rating, but very high on the Wicker Man Scale of unintentional amusement.
But honestly Mr. Del Toro, you can only muster three measly photographs against Spinach’s impressive seven? Though there is a screen cap from Things We Lost in the Fire, you are not in the actual picture and thus deserve only half credit.
And what does this mean for Che? Certainly a man so weak in influence could not embody such an iconic personality on screen.
Yours in Bondage (you nasty badger!),
C. Somerset Watkins
P.S.-Your revolution might fail at the box office, but it succeeded in my pants (despite the body odor).
Tags: Benicio Del Toro
