Inglorious Spinach

If you have not heard of Quentin Tarantino’s highly anticipated WWII film Inglorious Basterds then congratulations are in order, because chances are your days have not been spent in front of a computer screen. As a student with a part-time job and an unpaid internship (which I hear is something white people like), allow me to fill you in. Since what now seems like the dawn of man (or at least since the world began to fall out of love with Tarantino), there have been vague rumblings about Tarantino writing and directing a WWII movie. I for one was always intrigued by the idea but highly doubted it would ever be made, as it seems like Quentin Tarantino’s career choices as of late have been based primarily on inside jokes (see: Grindhouse). Much to my suprise, this movie, after years in pre-production, finally began filming last year and to my further suprise a trailer was released last week.

Despite, featuring what appears to be classic Tarantino dialogue and over-the-top violence, one look at the cast forced me to say: what the fuck? (This is, however, a loving wtf? as it might just be crazy enough to work). Brad Pitt, Cloris Leachman, Guy from the Office, Daniel Bruhl, Mike Meyers, Michael Fassbender, and … Eli Roth? Yes, Eli Roth.

For those of you who don’t know this name, it is because A. You are not a fanboy or B. Eli Roth is not widely recognized for his acting. Eli Roth is the director of a movie whose title has now been absorbed into the English language as an adverb modifiying the verb “to go”(Example: “And then they went all hostel on their asses.”). However, I have no problem with the casting of non-actors – Tarantino tends to make appearences in his own and others’ movies, and Roth too has appeared in Tarantino’s Death Proof. However, this is slightly riskier as, based on the trailer, Roth’s character seems to play a key role in the film. Is this a worthwhile risk for Mr. Tarantino. Only the spinach test will tell.

The results are in, and despite the first two images being posters of Grindhouse, for which he directed a segment and had a small cameo, there are no more pictures connected to Roth or his work. In fact, the situation is so dire that even David Lee Roth made the list before him. Spinch fared considerably better, with at least three pictures of actual spinach and one picture of Betty Boop labeled, “spinach”.

But the question remains, Hostel infamy and cultural impact aside, is Eli Roth even famous enough to show up on regular google? A quick check on the search engine shows that indeed, Eli Roth appears on regular google, but, wait, WHAT THE FUCK?! Suddenly a vast image out of the bowels of hell troubles my sight:

This image is more viscerally disturbing than anything Hostel had to offer … what situation could have possibly yielded this result? (Might I add that this photo is captioned “Eli Roth-Schlong”). Mr. Roth, not only have you failed the spinach test, but you have thouroughly disturbed me in a way your films never could. And what is most disturbing is that this is on the second line of images, so it apparently one of the more popular images of Mr. Roth on the web. On a related note, my faith in humanity is thoroughly shaken.

Your in bondage,

C. Somerset Watkins

PS-If anyone can actually provide adequate context for that image I will reward them with a doughnut.

PPS-Inglorious Basterds Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcoPxyxpE9A